Smidge’s embarassing moment
January 5th, 2007 by edge
I debated for a while what I should write as my inagural post to this blog. Since Smidge decided to have a little fun at my expense with his first post, I figured it would only be fair for me to return the favor.
When I first started working as a hauler I thought that a fair amount of our customers would be the attractive “desperate housewive” type, but nothing could be further from the truth. We do a lot of work for contractors, realtors and old couples; but rarely any attractive females. Therefore when we DO encounter a beautiful woman it sometimes throws us off our game a bit.
On this particular day Smidge and I arrived at the jobsite and knocked on the front door, only to have our socks knocked off by the beautiful being that opened the door. She was a goddess: long dark hair, perfect figure, and the kind of smile that would melt the heart of a serial killer. In a nutshell, this woman was DROP DEAD GORGEOUS.
Before I go any further I need to mention our “sales routine”. We have a price sheet that we carry around on a clipboard, and before each job one of the two crewmembers is designated as “salesman” for that particular job. The salesman carries the clipboard, explains the prices and does most of the interacting with the customer.
Thankfully Smidge was holding the clipboard for this job, because when this vixen opened the door I temporarily forgot how to speak English. Luckily for both of us Smidge recovered rather well. He quoted the job and she agreed to have us remove her unwanted items. It was a typical job: a couch, a few matresses and a bag or two of household items. After doing the work Smidge walked up to her to see if she had anything else she wanted to get rid of.
What followed was the mother of all Freudian slips: “Is there anything else you’d like us to do to you?”
Silence.
Smidge turns bright red. “Er, FOR you, anything else we can do FOR you?” By this point my back was turned and I was walking back to the truck. I managed to cork my laughter until I was out of earshot, but barely made it in the truck before I couldn’t contain myself. I laughed HARD, I laughed until I cried, and I never let him hear the end of it.
You win, your Edgeness.
There is no smooth recovery from a slip like that. Still, she kindly pretended not to notice, and the rest of the transaction went smoothly enough as I silently prayed for its swift conclusion and wondered if The Edge had heard. He had.
The weird thing is, I swear I wasn’t thinking about doing anything *to* her at that moment. I mean I usually tend not to think about those things. Consciously. I guess that’s what makes it “Freudian”…
you should have left it at “to you.” perhaps she would have had some creative suggestions.
the pleasures derived from human awkwardness: innumerable.
I have a friend who writes for “Hustler” who could have thought up a more creative ending. The beginning was solid though.
ha! thank you, edge–I woke up grumpy this morning, but you put a smile on my face.
Holy shit - I am falling out of my seat in another hemisphere!